You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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