you would pick up someone in the library
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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