Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
