Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
