She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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