Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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