so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
