im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
