A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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