I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
