how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
