Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
