i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We left the knife in your bed.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
