just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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