Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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