mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
