you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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