Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
