do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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