Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
We smell like vodka and hangover
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