I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
