tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
