So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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