nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
