You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
No stitches, just platelets and will power
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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