She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.