Texts From Last Night

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  (840): View more from

  Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****

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  (840): Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to ***** http://tfl.nu/9ulm
  Replies (2) Good night (738) Bad night (1000)
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  (209): View more from California

  HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.

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  (209): HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24????? (606 ): We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour. http://tfl.nu/y88k
  Replies (30) Good night (3477) Bad night (698)
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  (510): View more from California

  called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?

  (1-510): View more from California

  you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.

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  (510): called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic? (1-510): you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore. http://tfl.nu/b816
  Replies (19) Good night (2547) Bad night (731)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?

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  (814): Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low? http://tfl.nu/5hhv
  Replies (29) Good night (859) Bad night (3982)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me

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  (952): Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me http://tfl.nu/evhv
  Replies (29) Good night (4971) Bad night (1860)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"

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  (519): I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now" http://tfl.nu/0x96
  Replies (12) Good night (3899) Bad night (1090)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  that's what penises do

  (254): View more from Texas

  they tell lies.

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  (254): that's what penises do (254): they tell lies. http://tfl.nu/si8y
  Replies (14) Good night (4677) Bad night (1332)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle

  (648): View more from

  Since when is drunk an angle?

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  (319): He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle (648): Since when is drunk an angle? http://tfl.nu/dhcr
  Replies (12) Good night (7195) Bad night (880)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.

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  (612): she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device. http://tfl.nu/3o4n
  Replies (14) Good night (2077) Bad night (708)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?

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  (208): Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend? http://tfl.nu/u4ww
  Replies (10) Good night (1750) Bad night (645)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue

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  (917): You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal. (203): That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue http://tfl.nu/dtw4
  Replies (10) Good night (1621) Bad night (570)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.

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  (208): Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied. http://tfl.nu/8j3b
  Replies (6) Good night (785) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Aw.

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  (617): Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat. (1-617): Aw. http://tfl.nu/wvoj
  Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (750)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.

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  (210): I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving. http://tfl.nu/75v3
  Replies (6) Good night (722) Bad night (225)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.

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  (540): He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog. http://tfl.nu/zanv
  Replies (0) Good night (282) Bad night (420)

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