So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.