woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost