if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic