i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.