I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I still have a little drunk in my system
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied