I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
