His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
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This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus