Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  I think I am morally bankrupt

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  (714): I think I am morally bankrupt http://tfl.nu/yusq
  Replies (29) Good night (2526) Bad night (753)
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  (631): View more from New York

  It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.

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  (631): It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself. http://tfl.nu/t99x
  Replies (16) Good night (3564) Bad night (933)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.

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  (281): After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses. http://tfl.nu/xdpj
  Replies (23) Good night (5162) Bad night (751)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours

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  (908): we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours http://tfl.nu/0by6
  Replies (11) Good night (4746) Bad night (870)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance

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  (336): i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance http://tfl.nu/wpko
  Replies (10) Good night (6366) Bad night (1358)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?

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  (605): I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF? http://tfl.nu/tx7k
  Replies (14) Good night (5922) Bad night (1147)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

  (518): View more from New York

  It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

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  (585): Why was I handcuffed to the roof? (518): It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly http://tfl.nu/nk88
  Replies (27) Good night (9451) Bad night (1345)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light

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  (862): That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light http://tfl.nu/4kbw
  Replies (6) Good night (877) Bad night (2678)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.

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  (208): make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say. http://tfl.nu/7pqa
  Replies (2) Good night (2492) Bad night (652)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.

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  (678): Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch. http://tfl.nu/rrk7
  Replies (7) Good night (2957) Bad night (545)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"

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  (314): Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face" http://tfl.nu/5wsk
  Replies (3) Good night (1196) Bad night (428)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..

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  (404): He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing.. http://tfl.nu/8ij4
  Replies (10) Good night (456) Bad night (1210)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"

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  (906): He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall" http://tfl.nu/x1lu
  Replies (1) Good night (761) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!

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  (518): he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him! http://tfl.nu/wppf
  Replies (2) Good night (337) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck

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  (512): totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck http://tfl.nu/52hz
  Replies (1) Good night (850) Bad night (338)

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