whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
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I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
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And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.