3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
