i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
