Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
