i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
