Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
