we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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