Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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