My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
