I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
