There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard