Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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