you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.