Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.