I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
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Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
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WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.