She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
