so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
