Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
