I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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