I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
