Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He shit in the fireplace
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
