Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
