just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
