he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
