Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
