All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
