Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
