Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
