her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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