Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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