I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
