batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
