can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
