i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
