I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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