come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize