If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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