Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
