I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
