OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
