a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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