Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
