Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
