Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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