he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Who died my cat blue again?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
