Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
