Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I didn't notice because vodka
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
