Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
